Sunday, 28 December 2008

1st Impressions...

We did some assessments and training in both the soft play and sensory rooms, WOW! What impressions – I think the photos will say more then I can ever express words. Words are meaningless.

This is Jeevanjot - a completely blind child reacting to light truly mind blowing!

Shanti a little angel with learning difficulties, growth problem and speech impediment loving to play freely!

The power of colour and light with a child with Cerebral Palsy

1st Impressions of their new soft play room and man do they love it.... and so do we...

Party and Inauguration...what fun!

What a crazy time it’s been we had a party on the 21st Feb and then again on the 22nd it was fantastic! We eat loads of cake, danced and took 100’s of photos – the children loved it and the most amazing part was the special needs kids dancing with the normal ones and this was such an achievement as the so called ‘normal; tend to exclude that part of their family when is no need whatsoever!

But that is down to the adults and their ignorance, if I do come back that is one of the things I wish to dispel the lack of communication between ALL the children. Have to admit the special ones were more up for it than the norm’s lolz! They were dancing and adventurous which is so much more fun and we loved it.

I was also told ten minutes before the health minister was coming to do a speech if was told earlier would have prepared something but it was so cool, my first speech in Punjabi and it was no longer Tutii fruit (tutii futti)!!! Needed to keep thanking God for his blessings and to keep me grounded not to mention humbled. The health minister of Punjab Laxmi Chawla came to inaugurate the rooms and creative spot were the ones who deserved all the credit for all the hard work. They donated their time and skills and the results were amazing! Can’t thank them enough for what they did god bless all their team Sumeet, Rupinder and the lovely artist!

What words can express their love and time for their work... the whole of the education and play room was their concept and my kids loved it!

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart and for touching my soul not to mention that you confirmed the FACT that God does REALLY control Everything!

Wednesday, 24 December 2008


As mentioned many a time my father is my biggest inspiration, both strength and weakness. The way he leads his life, his mere presence is a blessing, people often comment that there is something about dad which is beyond words. This I have seen, where people are overwhelmed by his vibration and energy – well dad is just my dad.

Thinking about my parents at the time of recognition...So when I’ve been credit, compliments and recognition it goes to dad and God, it is with their GRACE that I’m here !

A girl from Pingalwara studying architecture started to re-vamp the greenery outside the hostel, we started talking and suddenly she said:

“Well, if you can bring a world to the ward, the ocean, planets, starts, forest so why can I not change this? You are the inspiration?”

Wow.. I was dumbfounded

God wiling this radiate to everyone so the children just keep gaining and gaining, one of the reasons for this blog was to give strength to those who want to serve but cannot for whatever reason, always follow your heart and if it’s the right direction God will guarantee the blessing to make it happen.

Thanks Dad love you always!

That said after living here for 6 months I truly admire and respect Biji, regardless of the opposition and negativity, she supported me throughout my stay. She has a lot to manage within the organisation and extremely busy but she always has time for the kids. The money spent on the projects was also authorised by Biji when others said NO. I cannot express my gratitude towards her. She trusted and with Gods grace pleased with the results, guess a lot of people did not know what we were trying to achieve and were understandably apprehensive and felt it was an alienated concept but in the end it was crystal clear. It was always for the kids and for them I would do anything…ANYTHING!

Biji asked me to come back within the month to start on the other projects and she too knows what a difference it will make on the kids lives! The improvement within the special needs school, well it would be my utter pleasure I love the kids and can see myself settling here but the rest is in Gods hands, whatever he may have in store only he knows the bigger picture and controls everything in it!

One things for sure I will always have a lot of LOVE for biji and she advised me many about different things but one piece of advice I will share was:

“Not all members of the family are the same, just as your fingers on your hands”

HOW TRUE – it helps you when you try to deal with different people and situations!

Friday, 19 December 2008

Come back in a couple of months…

In fact we’ve been training the staff to have sustainability when I leave and Biji came to view the rooms a few days back. She actually wants me back in a couple of months time, she said the special needs kids will be neglected and no one will know how to work and have the maximum impact - so what’s the use of spending so much money?

That said - it was the perfect time to mention the idea of the hydro therapy pool, I was completely in tears when she said yes! “Do it as the next project” she said, have to admit if it wasn’t for Biji’s support, all this would not have been possible. She has been the blessing and backbone of ALL the work. Not to mention Bawa Uncle Ji one of the administrators he has also been imperative in terms of providing for all that was needed…. LOVE EM! These three uncles jis gave me so much love.. so much Tilakraj Uncle, Rajveer Uncle and Bawa Uncle! Thank you!
God knows what he has in store for me but I wasn’t expecting this to come like this. Paul Parji (the amazing artist) even said “the kids needs you – you must come back” It was so emotional and Biji gave me the biggest hug and blessing. I truly love her, she’s just great and to give me permission for something unheard of in Punjab was…well what words can express?

That now really throws my idea out of the window opening my own thing to what I wanted and my way. Guess upstairs have something else mind, won’t dare mention this to mum til I get back even my brothers apart from the eldest (Tosh Parji) he’s just my rock in every way e already knows he he he They would provide me with a house, a salary and the responsibility to run the special needs school.

Before any decision can be made I need to see Baba Ji and seek guidance (as per any major moves in my life) It feels that this is my calling the kids, the poor and needy,I can surround myself in their love for the rest of my life. My life is longer about the 5 people in the UK, its about the larger family I have adopted, the larger family who God has blessed me with.

Completed Projects!

We also completed the softplay and sensory rooms – they look amazing! This will make such a difference to the kids lives and a step in the right direction where communication is concerned. Stimulation of the senses is vital when teaching children with special needs and this will aide the staff in language. We also made sense boxes touch, smell and gear it included crazy items which I bought from the Indian market had a blast getting it together but on a more serious note it was to show staff how simple it was to have an impact on different senses if they really wanted to.

Well … do you remember the dull children’s ward the empty walls and no life! Now that was then and this is now… what a transformation, we had themed rooms and I will let the photos do all the talking!
The rooms were all the same and all the wards in the complex look identical!

The bedrooms:

The Playroom:

Corridors and Outside Area:

Food Area:

I think you get the GIST!
Princess Room
This was the girls room, we wanted to give them their own space and make it look really girly. The morning after the first night I asked Jyoti how it was and she replied:
“I was in the sea playing with the fishes, I love my new room”
Wow…. That’s when it confirmed we are onto a winner, this room took over a month and trust me when I say it was a mission! People here did not know what we wanted to achieve and the impact colour will have on the children so many obstacles where thrown my way! But it was just my test in faith and not to mention God!
So when the room was completed I needed permission for the whole ward... its so funny how I remember it so vividly. Biji saying “well its taken you over a month so just do another room as you don’t have enough time” I was like Biji no… trust me just sign the document and support me and this will be completed by the time I leave! Looking at the sky… Don’t let me down I said as walking out of Biji’s house with the piece of paper.

Space Room
This was the Boys Room it was so cool literally.... just need to put some glow in the dark star

Ocean Room
This was a nice healing colour and we wanted to give a sea like experience hmmmm

Fruits and Veg
This was such a cool area where the kids eat and then can look and the different types of food

The Forest
Not only was this a theme but it brought so much life into the ward - soon as you walked through the door!

Life In India...

I’m sitting in crystal restaurant (my new hang joint) sneezing away, I would not have had a chance to write about the last couple of weeks - so it’s thanks to my mate Preeti who had to go home I’m able to write a update.

Preeti is a friend from Africa and we’ve been chilling out nearly everyday – she stopped the night too which was real cool and the kids were teaching her the alphabet in sign language it was so sweet to watch. She has come for her Mama’s (mums Brother) sons wedding which I too have been invited on the 26th speaking of weddings also went to Navneet’s Massi (mums sisters) daughters wedding, Indian weddings are mad – they start late and end even later and Indians will always be Indians so so funny! You know they don’t let the girls dance here, wow if someone told me I could not dance at my brothers wedding me, my sister in law and mates would tell them where to go lol! We danced for 5 days solid it was crazy! Wow… thinking about the wedding, family and friends seems such a distant memory. Yea I know I’ll be with them in exactly 15 days but I have found the true meaning of life - TO SERVE OTHERS!

To become one with the person who gives you breath – that’s the true essence of the soul!


When I heard the saying many a time that God could not be everywhere so he gave us mothers I guess I really never appreciated the dept of such words and the powerful attributes God has blessed a mother with!

An incident took place where a child was sent to another ward, I knew another truth and was heartbroken, I went to see him and was so emotional in fact beside myself but gathered strength when sitting with him. After a little conversation it was time to leave he grabbed my hand screaming Didi (sister) don’t go, please I beg you, I want to go with you – I had to let go of his tight hand grip! Imagine a child who cannot walk crawls and cries behind you – and you totally helpless and cannot do anything.

That’s when you realise what a mother endures, as a mother I could do nothing for my son, then needed to go to Darbar Sahib and sit in the presence of God and let go of all my emotions and beg for strength and love. WOW...i cried for 4 hours non-stop it was far too emotional and definitely heart wrenching, we both got a temperature too, a true soul connection .Guess I now know how much our mum suffered and sacrificed, love her so much more – I remember when I was a few years younger she always used to say:

“You’ll find out when you’re a mother”
Guess I found out much more earlier than anticipated - the true meaning of a mothers strength and acceptance of Gods will – At time it’s the most difficult and daunting of tasks. We can never repay our mothers or parents for all they do for us, in my eyes our parents are the epitome of God himself as Baba Ji have always taught us:

“Our Mother is our first Guru”

Wednesday, 10 December 2008

Fishes in the water!

Things have truly been amazing at times I don’t have words to describe the feelings I get when I’m around the kids. To think in around 10-15 days time I will no longer be with them.

After their baths in Chandigarh Jyoti and Chetan started arguing about who’s mummy I was, the understanding of my departure and leaving also started with the kids last month and the following example is emphasised everyday, so they know that we are truly connected with the hearts not just physical form.

The water surrounding the Darbar sahib has many fishes, so when the fight broke out I asked them how big it was?
They were like Vadoo very big and huge (expression with the little tiny hands) and the how many fishes in the water – again lots n lots…. So mama’s heart is the water and you are all the little fishes so there is room for everyone.

This is also repeated like a mantra to the little ones so when was asked Jyoti where’s mama? She pointed to her heart chakra and then told me where she was… in my heart chakra. Bless her the last time we to Darbar Sahib she named most of the fishes with the different children’s names. It worked – but she obviously and herself the biggest fish… lolz.

The same example was used with Simran and she took it quite literally she just pointed at me, my physical body – bless kids they are so innocent and truthful.

Sunday, 30 November 2008

Chandigarh ...

Things have been crazily busy here and my heart sinks everytime the thought of going home… mum even asked whether I’ll be able to live back in the UK.. the answer is truly NO but I will accept where GOD places me. These kids have truly instilled a place in the dept of my soul and our relationship is truly the beginning... you know the amazing thing is they know call me MAMA I’ve been promoted! The little 3 year olds come into my bed at 7am snuggle in with their cold hands and feet, till the breakfast bell... who will do that when I leave here?

Who will knock on my door 20 times to say good morning, kiss my cheeks with cold lips.. but I’m thankful for the time I have spent and the wonderful memories I have!

Happy Birthday to my little brother... he’s 27 now, wow how time flies and how much I love him more and more as the years go by! Remember how we used to hang out (was cool once upon time not any more) and we used to make cards for our dad and drew pictures of how we would help the world…ahahahahaha dad kept every little piece of paper from when we around 3 years old.

It’s been a mission organising a weekend trip to Chandigarh with the special needs kids but it was worth it! We had an amazing time and the kids love every minute, we went to this cool place Haveli in Jalandhar and its makes you laugh how people feel they have to stop and stare – got to a point where we were like wanna join us for a cuppa?

Anyway… on the Saturday we went to satbir Zoo what an enjoyable experience to see the kids expressions and reactions when they saw the animals! We then went onto Sukhna Lake there we chilled out and even had a meal, my friend Sandeep was also down from the USA he was a great help and the kids loved him! Some of these kids have never been out like this, even Pushpa was touched by the whole experience, well who would have the time to take her and her siblings?

The sewadars and teachers were amazing and really helped out where it was needed, I think its really about working together as a team and no hierarchy even though one person has a the responsibility for everyone its vital everyone chips in to make it fair and inclusive. This is truly what these kids need new environments to both learn from and enjoy, people here feel that such kids cannot move forward but then if you don’t ever TRY you will never know…

Whilst at the lake you could say two of our boys went walkies. 1st is was all about letting go – Gods will but then as time when by 10 mins , 15 mins and then 30 min that when I seriously got worried. Even after an announcement no joy! You could say I began to have palpitations and my mind began to wonder. At that point I made a soul wrenching plea to my dad, me and dad have this beautiful connection that where ever it maybe I can call for him and guaranteed he is by my side wherever in the world he is. Dad is more than a father so whenever a disciple is in trouble who comes to mind – the master. So no word of a lie 2 mins later literally I got a call from one of the teachers that they boys had been walking towards the bus, tears rolled down my eyes and then Pushpa even stated – she was relived for me just as the other staff. They are thanking god - my name and self respect (IZZAT) is in god’s hands. Whatever impression or misdemeanors he wishes to inflict on me SO BE IT but all I know I needed my kids back safe and sound and my plea was answered.
So who says you cannot communicate to those on different parts of the world, universe or dimensions???
I feel complete with these kids when changing Chetan or mothering Jyoti (it was one 2 one support), I was given the opportunity to be their mother what a blessing! No one would take the responsibility with Jyoti as she has brittle bones, you can understand the fear and apprehension but its not impossible – we have been out on many occasions and with Gods blessing nothing has been fractured or broken.
Nothing is impossible – YOUR mind makes it!!!

Thursday, 20 November 2008


With not long to go now I can step back and truly realise what GOD wanted me to learn about myself, like my brother said:
“These children helped me to love from the depths of my soul,
which I never knew existed”
In the tough times (trust me there was enough) emails, comments on the blog and loving words from friends and family helped me through! One email from my younger brother had me in tears and I could relate to it 110% and felt it needed to be shared. ENJOI! Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?'
The audience was stilled by the query.The father continued.'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?'I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.' Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.
Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circledthe bases toward home. All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay' Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!' As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home! 'Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.
'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.
Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

Saturday, 15 November 2008

Helping INDIA to see…

As mentioned briefly we had a mega eye camp at Pingalwara and MEGA it was! An orgainsation named Give the Gift of sight has been involved in many missions around the world and this was India’s good fortune to receive their gift. WOW… I was left in awe by the 25 strong team from all around the world, USA, Canada, Germany and Italy they were all dedicated, compassionate and so friendly, they were so loving to all who walked through the doors. They started on the 5th but then we were due to go on the 7th but what I saw in the couple of days before and the 3 days after was complete and utter selfless service. The numbers had doubled even trebled and the system in place and the resources were in full flow and the smiles and hugs were too! Their moto with conviction was sight is not a privilege but a right, how they believed this and gave the poor and needy people of Punjab the gift of sight, their numbers reached over 14,000 what a commendable sewa they all did and people were refused as the grounds were over crowded. Our kids warmed to the team and they also made friends, the team wanted to adopt and gave heartfelt goodies – even I got some candy!!! Personally this gave me the boost I needed, as its been a tough few months as you know and it was so refreshing to see others give and give they did… they were on the go from 8am till 6.30pm and there was no stopping them. A few of the guys didn’t even sit down or only moved from their post when it was lunch time, the driving force of this whole event was a lovely guy Dave and he had much love and reverence for Biji on the 2nd to last evening with us they were honored and he had no words for Biji and what impression she left on his heart. If he didn’t say another word thereafter he eyes and his aura said it all! What a guy and what a team he had, he lead by example with his right hand man Paul who also gave and gave! He provided sunglasses for my little ones and never sat down either… he even had a soft spot for my Gagan... guess she has a special spark that everyone loves!

An ocean of LOVE

So much happening here at the moment its truly amazing, I was in the midst of unconditional sewa soaking up the vibration .The mission Give the Gift of sight a group of 25 doctors from round the world came here to pingalwara to set up an eye camp 5th-17th and gift they did I will discuss this separately (a few lines will not do justice).

What words can describe my experience here at the Special Olympics in Ludhiana… There was an ocean of love, ocean of unconditional laughter and the hugs and kisses were never ending. I was truly in heaven, Yes people may say it but feeling and experiencing it with every cell in your body was a different thing altogether. These children fed my spirit in ways words cannot describe, people here in India give status and respect to those with academic knowledge, money and titles but the TRUE VIP’s was GOD himself ALL 300 WOW what a picture. I went as a guest so to speak and was even going to be treated as one… VIP and all!!!! What a bunch of bull if one is to use such words… There were around 300 kids all with disabilities, I wanted to be part of them, be part of their experience and that’s exactly what I did! I remember in Barcelona Anandmurti Guru Maa giving us a definition of religion:

“just by looking into the ocean you do not feel it, only when you jump into the ocean you feel depth of the water, the moist on your skin only then you can become one with the ocean”

A couple of family friends (brothers) from the UK were here too and joined us in this fantastic event. This was definitely one of my highlights of my sewa here in India, we had 2 days of purity, innocence and unadulterated love. What an impact I’m truly grateful to God for the blessings he bestowed on us to even feel that we were worthy of such service. This is the way forward, this is the only way I know you can enrich your lives and truly evolve and move closer to HIM, this has been experienced to its fullest form trust me! The kids are truly blessed and like I said GOD manifested in their bodies and feeling God in every essence mind, body and soul was truly soul touching for many reasons.

It wasn’t about winning or losing their efforts could clearly be seen, their happiness just getting to the winning line... ok I cheated a bit for my children by shouting and screaming, I noticed that they were loosing as they had no sense of finishing or recognised anyone… so off me went in my dodgy kashmeri look and just gave everything I had… Not forgetting the others kids so we just screamed and shouted at all the children so they too could finish, they too could win, they too are AMAZING…

Got myself a bit of a rep and the kids flocked me as though I cannot find words to describe (as I look into the fields of greenery on the top of our house in the village) ok lets try again… they loved me so much and were asking their teachers to approach me for a hug, that was all I had to give - unconditional, limitless hugs and kisses and this is all they wanted… Love is one thing that can never run out EVER! It’s like a bottomless well that gives water and has no way of stopping itself giving water.

Saturday was cool, the kids were invited to a cultural show and there was music and they danced, being part of the dancing was so much better than watching what was on stage as the kids loved it! What dancers and movers we have among these delightful souls, giving us so much joy and happiness. When it was the last dance I was the only adult on stage first I was just enjoying watching them and then a surge of want…a surge of needing to feel more and be part of them

It was great, then the kids remembered me the following day and did the hugs and kisses come overflowing. One little boy came running to me and touched my feet and gave me the biggest hug what can I say? they kill me with the limitless love, it was overwhelming I don’t feel comfortable when kids touch my feet so to confuse them I return their gesture and they don’t know what to do with themselves. Bless them! Never had an adult touch their feet but why not? Are they not worthy of giving us a blessing?
Of course they are …they are God in human form or human form of God who knows!

Another fond memory was whilst the VIP’s were doing speeches (we were suppose to be listening) one of the kids from the night before started doing some bhangra in the middle of the field where everyone was doing their thing, it was just me and him doing some mad moves and his facial expressions were priceless and he touched my heart. He just danced those moments away as if the movement was meant to be and flow of energy timed perfectly for that moment...just me and him!

Another elderly woman just wanting to dance and kiss me!

On the last day we were taking photos like there was no tomorrow and the workers also requested if they could take a photo...why not… Are they not the children of the divine flame? They were collecting chairs and women old as my mother were calling me “madam” and that I should sit on the chair. Would I not give up my chair for my mother? Would my mother call me ‘madam’ err think not would get a slap… ahhahahahah no seriously I sat at their feet and we clicked away! that’s what its all about… putting a smile on strangers faces and knowing you were part of it. What a blessing.

We were also invited by a loving family to their beautiful home, it was amazing their SARHDA (devotion) could be felt a mile off and they requested many times that we only have tea and it would be their good fortune that the kids came to their house… Those on a spiritual inclination could never deny this offer so how could we…!!! Regardless of the obstacles faced we were welcomed with open arms and hearts only to find Guru Granth Sahib residing in their home and they openly admitted all was his blessings. Mirza their son was one of the volunteers appointed with our group and serve he did I think he got more than he bargained for too… so God bless us all on this journey of realisation.
What deep conversations we had at the railway station…who says you need to be in a particular place to talk about GOD and SPIRITUALITY! I don’t know what God is doing but one thing is for sure he is showing me love at the deepest level and who knows where this will lead.

No longer do I want the rat race of life even though I loved my work back home – now there is a higher calling, a purpose – HIS PURPOSE. Haven’t got a clue where I’ll end up but if the kids are with me he can take me to any corner of the world and just shower his blessings like he has been.

What an experience…