Saturday, 20 September 2008

Settled and Loving it

I can actually type that I LOVE IT HERE! Yes it’s been difficult and there have been times when you think your time is up or you’re the wrong person for this! Oh yeah, nearly forget to mention I burnt my leg so been in bed for another week, had a huge blister on my thigh and before the skin underneath could heal a little cute 3 year old (not at the time mind you) hugged my leg and burst it, the pain was excruciating and it was like vibration through every cell of my body! You wouldn’t even inflict such pain on an enemy… but that said there was additional time to spend with the kids and put things in place. Me and Kamal (the other girl from the UK) have both been working on structures to be put in place once we’re gone, I have to admit she is amazing in creativity she cooks, sews and so active!

I feel a lot more settled and mobile, getting to places is still crazy but you can only laugh with how people are in a rush like their lives depend on it! It really tests your skills in patience, with that said I’m getting to know the surroundings, people and Amritsar itself. I’ve also had meetings with different people about the sensory room and art work in the children’s ward, so hopefully when I am back from Hazur Sahib on the 30th we can get our teeth into the project. I met with a lovely aunty the principle of Spring Dale school and she is helping with contacts and work that is needed from the local area, one has to admit that being a different country without the economical and industrial knowledge stumbling blocks are near and frequent but then my reasoning is this is Gods work and he will provide both the resources and people in his time not mine.. So with that in mind, its Gods problem not mine… sometimes its great to surrender!

Parji also recommended an amazing book which i‘m currency reading The Power of NOW by Eckhart Tolle – it’s a brilliant read so far and I’m only on chapter 5, it talks about how the mind is bound by time and time being an obstacle getting closer to God and the Light, the energy is for NOW not the past or the future! I will be relating much of my experiences to this book putting the theory into practice can only lead to a more enriched spiritual journey.

There is a poster on my wall:


How true…

Sunday, 14 September 2008

Innocence and Purity

Listening to the beautiful Kirtan (singing of devotional hymns) at Darbar Sahib on this Sunday morning, I notice a boy sitting around 10 feet away from me…

As I watch him questions arise in my mind

What was he looking at?
Who was he smiling at?
He was communicating, but with whom?

To others he stares into an empty space,
To others he’s an abnormal child a mental child

But those eyes were us something else, what was it?

What would I have given to be is eyes and mind, what a beautiful imprint he left in my heart, he left the spot after around 15 minutes but as I take in what I saw I cannot but help replay his actions in my minds eye.

Only if we had the answers,
Only if we knew,

Then we can feel and know what true innocence and purity is.

Wednesday, 10 September 2008

Without suffering man forgets God …

You see and feel a hell of a lot, living here the complex of Pingalwara and one things I have witnessed is the work being done by the workers in the girls accommodation, day and night they work and they all have a different story to tell. A few days ago me and one of the sewadars (workers) began a heart to heart conversation about her life and the irony was that her daughter came to the accommodation with her class mates to work on a project about Pingalwara a day later, Coincidence I think not …

Her story…

My husband used to work privately as a home guard for the police and in 2005 he was diagnosed with throat cancer and passed away two years later. God as my witness I lived every moment serving him my life was his and we tried to get him the best treatment possible. God blessed me with the running of my house and I still to this day don’t know how. My 2 brothers also passed away within 6 months 1 had cancer and the other in a motoring accident they promised to look after but they too left my side. My eldest daughter was 16, son 13 and my youngest daughter 11 years old , at this point we had no way out and we all even contemplated suicide and ending our lives once and for all, my husbands job was private and they did not give a damn. When your husband is no longer with you and you have no money, you can imagine what I have to go through. We live in a joint family where I live with 2 of my sister in laws, not even your relatives come forward to help they all become strangers overnight

We has to start afresh my eldest was in +1 (year 11 in high school) and had to leave school after her 1st term as we could no longer afford the schools fees. She started working for a pharmacy earning 1500 rupees a month (15 pounds), her employer suggested that she start a accounting course then she got a job in the computers at the same place, she now has more general knowledge than the doctor (she says proud fully with her eyes gleaming). Someone then suggested that I apply for a job here a Pingalwara they took my interview and I got the job.

.My daughter still works for the pharmacy today and is studying to become a air hostess, it was her fathers dream for her to become air hostess, we took a loan and now she pays for this with her own salary whilst I run the house with mine.

To me my children are my life and I don’t need anyone else especially getting married again - they live for me and I for them. From a young age I have learnt to budget so God has blessed me the honor of not having to bow my head and beg anyone.

I have learnt that without suffering man forgets god and without suffering you cannot be tested to attain the ultimate which is GOD himself.

All is his WILL.

Tuesday, 9 September 2008

Blood ? What blood relation???

There is another branch of Pingalwara in Sangrur and there I met 54 year old Pushpa…what a story she had to tell…but could only tell me briefly - you could see the pain it caused and the anguish whilst replaying her life!

I used to live with my in laws and then had news of my mother passing so came to Amritsar to live with my sister. All the ancestral property and business was in my name so my sister decided to register me as mental and not worthy of the property. She convinced professionals to give me electric shocks along with medication to make sure my mental state of mind was definitely affected. My sister then took me to my brothers house where my brother has also passed and I lived in Chandigrah with my sister in law, she took me to some satsangs (religious gatherings) and I received blessings from Guru Ji and they took me in and looked after me. After a while my appendix began to play up and then I was sent to my sister in laws house, then she and my sister made a plan and dropped me at Pingalwara, I didn’t have a clue where I was going and nor did they tell me…

I have no children and my husband didn’t know what was happening and where I was, I found out he passed away while I was at Pingalwara. All the property is now is my sisters name and I cannot do anything, look at my age – I am just wanting to live my remaining life in prayer and devotion to Guru Ji.

Makes you feel sorry and pity those who go to extreme levels to attain materialistic things without any fear of GOD!

Thursday, 4 September 2008


Missed the kids immensely and when I arrived here the feelings were definitely reciprocated you could say I very much doubted and underestimated the impact that my mere presence had on these children. Again, lying in bed with a bad back and tummy that’s when you actually question why the hell you’re here!!! It’s been so emotional where I cannot hold back my tears as the pain has been excruciating and the peace of mind non existent especially when you cannot do anything, haven’t felt like writing anything on here either!

That said, had to snap out of this which was very difficult as it was affecting the kids, I’m only human and the strong emotions took hold of me… and those who know the power of emotions will certainly know what I am talking about!

It came to an abrupt end when my tears were then passed onto Pooja who clearly thought I was going to die especially after seeing her mum pass away, 2 brothers killed in an car accident and loosing her daddy to tuberculosis… she was sobbing and then clung onto to me as though I was going to leave her... how could I have done that? Blamed god first to why he is making me so ill … but then told by me beloved brother that it was a mirror image of my vibration which made so much sense.

Its been a few days now since I was unwell and what a difference health can make to mind, body and soul… still have to take it easy but I’m driving now which has made it so much easier and the roads are crazy!!! We won’t even start with the Rickshaw and the dreaded 3 wheelers… but what an adventure!

The heavens have recently opened of late which has resulted in major floods around the Punjab we even drove past an area where 25 villages have been destroyed, mother nature is definitely sending us messages which we need to take note before its too late! Me and the kids took advantage we walked around the whole complex feeling the cold water on our skin and drenching our clothes, could not thank God enough for the rain and enjoyed a good soak…

After mum left she mentioned on numerous occasions how much the kids love me and vice versa and how heart broken they will be after I left, so asked God what can these children be left with? What can light or hope can be ignited? What can we possibly give them that will remain after I’ve leave, yes its early days and there are another 4 months but they are innocent children thirsty for love and affection. People from all walks of life come into their lives and leave… so with the messages in order, there was a strong pull to recite devotional hymns (kirtan) with them, what an amazing connection, they pray every evening at the complex Gurudwara (Sikh temple) so for a few days we did the kirtan think they were taken aback that I actually knew what I was doing, to be honest was very much out of practice. It was amazing to hear the little ones humming away and the elder ones singing the words once we were done! They even got their harmoniums out the following day and wanted to learn it themselves… this did not cost any amount of money, was not materialistic but a gesture from my heart to theirs that we will always be in each others hearts for years to come.

We also had some great news, the wards are very much plain white and look like hospital wards without an ounce of colour or life, when I’d enter the children’s ward my one wish was to bring colour, to give these children a glimpse of the outside world!!! We were given permission, so work will begin in the next few days and we are all looking forward to getting paint everywhere and more importantly having fun!

We were also given permission to set up sensory room, God has showered his blessings today he really has, this will do so much for the children with cerebral palsy they will be able to communicate with colour and light! We cannot wait to see their faces and experiment, friends in U.S will now start raising some funds and Pingalwara will sort out the discrepancy… Again this will be such a milestone for the children, not to mention future recommendations - to have a soft play room and hydrotherapy pool!!!! That would just be the topping, icing, chocolate and strawberries on the cake, it would will be a breath of fresh air, essence and quality.

I’ve also been attending school and WOW what a difference a simple DVD and projector can make, where their days would drag and now after practicing their sports for the special Olympics, my students get a chance to watch DVD’s of their choice… the Indian version of SHREK is greatly amusing! Whenever they see me now they give me a round of applause I have to keep looking round to see what they are screaming at... until they bombard me, one of the them nearly knocked me out he was that happy and the other pinched me so hard he nearly bruised me! Guess I’m used to the violence too, their ways of telling me about time… we been waiting ages for ya!

I feel much better and cannot wait to see what God has in store, its like our life is canvas and we do not know what he will paint next, where his brush will strike or what colour… all we can do is ACCEPT and ALLOW.