Patience and Acceptance

All my previous students and work got allocated to different tutors so work is very slow, but thank god I have the agencies. I’ve only been back 10 days but it feels so long without my kids, it has been so difficult I even got my first letter from Gagan and few days ago, what a little beauty she is – giving the bollywood dialogues about trying to live without me and she cant cope without me… kids LOL!!!!

Her words took me back in the moment of her head on my lap whilst I was reading my books, teaching her to mail, putting oil in her hair - I first got there her hair felt like straw very rough and dry it was so funni I used half a bottle of baby oil and her uniform had a huge oil stain when she got back from school the following day, then she looked me straight in the eyes and said:
“Didi you know for the 1st time in my life I know what its like to have a mother, you have given me so much love I LOVE YOU”

I too know the true meaning of unconditional love and being a mother to many…

It’s been fantastic being surrounded by kids with special needs, in a school with structure – but I remember my own kids more and how different the education system is here. I’ve been thinking about setting up projects and placements in Pingalwara with student and the younger generation from the USA and UK, think the younger lot need to realise how fortunate and blessed they - Nowadays (sound like an old bat) well kids take everything for granted. After everything I witnessed they should thank god for a loving home and loving parents and everything else is a MASSIVE BONUS ..It truly is!

I’m still awaiting for direction on every aspect of my life, its feels that acceptance and patience are the qualities God has me practicing at the moment which is really hard to swallow. Thank god for brothers they been helping me out big time, I’ve noticed when god wishes to teach you a thing or two he will also give you the tools to utilize to help you along the way, so as much as its been tough its also been a time of reflection and an opportunity to accept my current predicament.

I’m turning 30 on the 24th before I left, me and the girls had discussed going to celebrate in Europe somewhere, my good school mate sarb also turned 30 in December, so she wanted to do something too… My heart however is going back to India, my mums making plans to meet with her brother from Canada so YES you’ve guessed I am going to meet my babies… I cant wait and it give me something to hold on to, its gonna be brilliant and the best part if I’m not telling them at all!

I’ve also been in touch with all my friends and Biji, they are my extended family, I cannot believe how people can love and embrace you like they’ve known you all you life.


What beauty ... BEAUTY in its truest form

Human Spirit - my message

Since being back it’s been difficult trying to adapt to the pre India life that I left behind, again it feels like the same people, same life and mundane routine. Missing the kids so so much especially when I got home last week, miss them more than I missed my family when in India. What does that say? How difficult is it to feel your not part of the family you left behind, have no job and no car (brother sold the car) even no home if you look beyond the bricks and water.

I was really emotional 1st week even joined a couple a agencies 2 days later simply to be surrounded by kids, LOVE EM, their energy, that said think I was forcing the will of God to hurry up as nothing is happening for me at the moment. I’m waiting to see Baba Ji and see where my life will go…which direction…which path, but not allowed to know the answers just yet. I’m not a on downer but very alone and subdued… so low and behold just when you need a lift or a message from God my brother sent me a link. I think I don’t need to say anymore…

This guy is amazing, makes us reflect and truly believe that there is a bigger purpose to life. It’s just trying to understand what, when, how and why …

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

What an inspirational person with a soul immersed in the love for god and Jesus.

This is an amazing video on the power, courage and sheer determination of the Human Spirit. If you ever thought you had difficulty in your life, if you ever felt disadvantaged in some way, take a few moments to watch this. It's sure to be an uplifting inspiration...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MslbhDZoniY

God bless Nick, he is a reality check for every person on this planet.

I gifted his picture to my mummy and brothers… to remind us if he has fall and get up a 100 times why cant we????

What do I say?

Good bye is a word which fills the heart with sadness and ends a chapter of my life at Pingalwara. I cannot afford to think like this as this is most definitely the start of a new journey, the beginning of new relationships and the start of something beautiful ready to blossom.

The kids were very emotional, they hugged and cried with the thought I would never come back. My friend Mandeep from the USA donated some money, it was the last outing of my beautiful six months and did the kids love it, I’d promised these girls and they thought I’d forgotten … how could I have? When they didn’t.

On my last day we gave out chocolates with the money so it wasn’t all tears, thank god for shades!!!

Guess it only hit me when I reached the airport when Navneet gave me an emotional farewell… so much so I was overweight by 30 kilos and they didn’t charge me because I was filled with tears, couldn’t even speak… (great way to not pay)

My life is very much a plain canvas paper to where god wishes to place me. Don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. But by god does my mind wish to take control and send signals all over the place. Sometimes trying to be still can be challenging when every direction of you life is not in your control.

I have to admit coming back here to the UK it feels so out of sync, everyone seems to be stuck in this rat race of life and this is not what its about, SURELY NOT!

It cannot be after everything I have experienced, miss my kids so dearly its only been a week but I’m ready to head back especially with Biji’s proposal but I need Baba Jis guidance and blessing to see where I need to be placed. Life is hard without my kids, my mum is even finding it hard to deal with it! I feel so disconnected and torn between two worlds.
Who knows where my life is going now, He has written my next chapter, we just don’t know till it happens. Nothing more to say …
I know in my heart of hearts this is not the END

THIS MUCH I DO KNOW…

Love you and Goodbye ...for now!

You could really say I have adopted a new life here, a huge extended family with crazy little kids, the sewadars as mothers and the God sent friends here. Its been so great, I’ve been eating out a lot too so probably put all my weight I lost back on! Having friends from back home, USA and Africa was a true blessing, it was so cool to them my world and life here.

Pooja (expectant mother) and her husband!

I can see myself living between here and the UK and my life here has become more meaningful in terms of what I want from my friends, you need people with positive vibrations who lift you when your down and help you towards the light and not to mention when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Sandeep who provided the light and sound for the sensory rooms - GOD SENT!




My very close mate in india NAV!

Love you guys!

This dear friend is both deaf and mute always at the Darbar Sahib giving out paper bags, I used to take Parshad (holy food) for the kids. Never did a day go by where he did not shower me with his love and hug! WOW...

So blessed to have such friends both here and back home!

I’m sitting at the airport and filled with different emotions, How crazy! When I left England I cried and now when leave here in tears, the girls were really emotional too and a friend came to give them chocolates and sweets and sent me the following text:

“U are da richest gal on da earth, being loved by children who have neva been loved by ne 1 is the biggest earning to me, children who don’t even care 4 parents are crying 4 you”

My biggest blessing is I came to pingalwara as a SISTER and leave as a MOTHER. What more can be said of the relationship I share with my babies?

No one can ever take that away from us – just going to miss them so much.

1st Impressions...

We did some assessments and training in both the soft play and sensory rooms, WOW! What impressions – I think the photos will say more then I can ever express words. Words are meaningless.

This is Jeevanjot - a completely blind child reacting to light truly mind blowing!

Shanti a little angel with learning difficulties, growth problem and speech impediment loving to play freely!

The power of colour and light with a child with Cerebral Palsy

1st Impressions of their new soft play room and man do they love it.... and so do we...

Party and Inauguration...what fun!

What a crazy time it’s been we had a party on the 21st Feb and then again on the 22nd it was fantastic! We eat loads of cake, danced and took 100’s of photos – the children loved it and the most amazing part was the special needs kids dancing with the normal ones and this was such an achievement as the so called ‘normal; tend to exclude that part of their family when is no need whatsoever!

But that is down to the adults and their ignorance, if I do come back that is one of the things I wish to dispel the lack of communication between ALL the children. Have to admit the special ones were more up for it than the norm’s lolz! They were dancing and adventurous which is so much more fun and we loved it.

I was also told ten minutes before the health minister was coming to do a speech if was told earlier would have prepared something but it was so cool, my first speech in Punjabi and it was no longer Tutii fruit (tutii futti)!!! Needed to keep thanking God for his blessings and to keep me grounded not to mention humbled. The health minister of Punjab Laxmi Chawla came to inaugurate the rooms and creative spot were the ones who deserved all the credit for all the hard work. They donated their time and skills and the results were amazing! Can’t thank them enough for what they did god bless all their team Sumeet, Rupinder and the lovely artist!

What words can express their love and time for their work... the whole of the education and play room was their concept and my kids loved it!

I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart and for touching my soul not to mention that you confirmed the FACT that God does REALLY control Everything!

Inspiration

As mentioned many a time my father is my biggest inspiration, both strength and weakness. The way he leads his life, his mere presence is a blessing, people often comment that there is something about dad which is beyond words. This I have seen, where people are overwhelmed by his vibration and energy – well dad is just my dad.

Thinking about my parents at the time of recognition...So when I’ve been credit, compliments and recognition it goes to dad and God, it is with their GRACE that I’m here !

A girl from Pingalwara studying architecture started to re-vamp the greenery outside the hostel, we started talking and suddenly she said:

“Well, if you can bring a world to the ward, the ocean, planets, starts, forest so why can I not change this? You are the inspiration?”

Wow.. I was dumbfounded

God wiling this radiate to everyone so the children just keep gaining and gaining, one of the reasons for this blog was to give strength to those who want to serve but cannot for whatever reason, always follow your heart and if it’s the right direction God will guarantee the blessing to make it happen.

Thanks Dad love you always!

That said after living here for 6 months I truly admire and respect Biji, regardless of the opposition and negativity, she supported me throughout my stay. She has a lot to manage within the organisation and extremely busy but she always has time for the kids. The money spent on the projects was also authorised by Biji when others said NO. I cannot express my gratitude towards her. She trusted and with Gods grace pleased with the results, guess a lot of people did not know what we were trying to achieve and were understandably apprehensive and felt it was an alienated concept but in the end it was crystal clear. It was always for the kids and for them I would do anything…ANYTHING!

Biji asked me to come back within the month to start on the other projects and she too knows what a difference it will make on the kids lives! The improvement within the special needs school, well it would be my utter pleasure I love the kids and can see myself settling here but the rest is in Gods hands, whatever he may have in store only he knows the bigger picture and controls everything in it!

One things for sure I will always have a lot of LOVE for biji and she advised me many about different things but one piece of advice I will share was:

“Not all members of the family are the same, just as your fingers on your hands”

HOW TRUE – it helps you when you try to deal with different people and situations!