Sunday, 30 November 2008

Chandigarh ...

Things have been crazily busy here and my heart sinks everytime the thought of going home… mum even asked whether I’ll be able to live back in the UK.. the answer is truly NO but I will accept where GOD places me. These kids have truly instilled a place in the dept of my soul and our relationship is truly the beginning... you know the amazing thing is they know call me MAMA I’ve been promoted! The little 3 year olds come into my bed at 7am snuggle in with their cold hands and feet, till the breakfast bell... who will do that when I leave here?

Who will knock on my door 20 times to say good morning, kiss my cheeks with cold lips.. but I’m thankful for the time I have spent and the wonderful memories I have!

Happy Birthday to my little brother... he’s 27 now, wow how time flies and how much I love him more and more as the years go by! Remember how we used to hang out (was cool once upon time not any more) and we used to make cards for our dad and drew pictures of how we would help the world…ahahahahaha dad kept every little piece of paper from when we around 3 years old.

It’s been a mission organising a weekend trip to Chandigarh with the special needs kids but it was worth it! We had an amazing time and the kids love every minute, we went to this cool place Haveli in Jalandhar and its makes you laugh how people feel they have to stop and stare – got to a point where we were like wanna join us for a cuppa?

Anyway… on the Saturday we went to satbir Zoo what an enjoyable experience to see the kids expressions and reactions when they saw the animals! We then went onto Sukhna Lake there we chilled out and even had a meal, my friend Sandeep was also down from the USA he was a great help and the kids loved him! Some of these kids have never been out like this, even Pushpa was touched by the whole experience, well who would have the time to take her and her siblings?

The sewadars and teachers were amazing and really helped out where it was needed, I think its really about working together as a team and no hierarchy even though one person has a the responsibility for everyone its vital everyone chips in to make it fair and inclusive. This is truly what these kids need new environments to both learn from and enjoy, people here feel that such kids cannot move forward but then if you don’t ever TRY you will never know…

Whilst at the lake you could say two of our boys went walkies. 1st is was all about letting go – Gods will but then as time when by 10 mins , 15 mins and then 30 min that when I seriously got worried. Even after an announcement no joy! You could say I began to have palpitations and my mind began to wonder. At that point I made a soul wrenching plea to my dad, me and dad have this beautiful connection that where ever it maybe I can call for him and guaranteed he is by my side wherever in the world he is. Dad is more than a father so whenever a disciple is in trouble who comes to mind – the master. So no word of a lie 2 mins later literally I got a call from one of the teachers that they boys had been walking towards the bus, tears rolled down my eyes and then Pushpa even stated – she was relived for me just as the other staff. They are thanking god - my name and self respect (IZZAT) is in god’s hands. Whatever impression or misdemeanors he wishes to inflict on me SO BE IT but all I know I needed my kids back safe and sound and my plea was answered.
So who says you cannot communicate to those on different parts of the world, universe or dimensions???
I feel complete with these kids when changing Chetan or mothering Jyoti (it was one 2 one support), I was given the opportunity to be their mother what a blessing! No one would take the responsibility with Jyoti as she has brittle bones, you can understand the fear and apprehension but its not impossible – we have been out on many occasions and with Gods blessing nothing has been fractured or broken.
Nothing is impossible – YOUR mind makes it!!!

Thursday, 20 November 2008


With not long to go now I can step back and truly realise what GOD wanted me to learn about myself, like my brother said:
“These children helped me to love from the depths of my soul,
which I never knew existed”
In the tough times (trust me there was enough) emails, comments on the blog and loving words from friends and family helped me through! One email from my younger brother had me in tears and I could relate to it 110% and felt it needed to be shared. ENJOI! Would you have made the same choice?

At a fundraising dinner for a school that serves children with learning disabilities, the father of one of the students delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended. After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he offered a question:
'When not interfered with by outside influences, everything nature does, is done with perfection. Yet my son, Shay, cannot learn things as other children do. He cannot understand things as other children do. Where is the natural order of things in my son?'
The audience was stilled by the query.The father continued.'I believe that when a child like Shay, who was mentally and physically disabled comes into the world, an opportunity to realize true human nature presents itself, and it comes in the way other people treat that child.'Then he told the following story:
Shay and I had walked past a park where some boys Shay knew were playing baseball. Shay asked, 'Do you think they'll let me play?'I knew that most of the boys would not want someone like Shay on their team, but as a father I also understood that if my son were allowed to play, it would give him a much-needed sense of belonging and some confidence to be accepted by others in spite of his handicaps.I approached one of the boys on the field and asked (not expecting much) if Shay could play. The boy looked around for guidance and said, 'We're losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him in to bat in the ninth inning.' Shay struggled over to the team's bench and, with a broad smile, put on a team shirt. I watched with a small tear in my eye and warmth in my heart. The boys saw my joy at my son being accepted.In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shay's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the top of the ninth inning, Shay put on a glove and played in the right field. Even though no hits came his way, he was obviously ecstatic just to be in the game and on the field, grinning from ear to ear as I waved to him from the stands.In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shay's team scored again. Now, with two outs and the bases loaded, the potential winning run was on base and Shay was scheduled to be next at bat. At this juncture, do they let Shay bat and give away their chance to win the game?Surprisingly, Shay was given the bat.
Everyone knew that a hit was all but impossible because Shay didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, much less connect with the ball. However, as Shay stepped up to the plate, the pitcher, recognizing that the other team was putting winning aside for this moment in Shay's life, moved in a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shay could at least make contact.The first pitch came and Shay swung clumsily and missed. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly towards Shay.As the pitch came in, Shay swung at the ball and hit a slow ground ball right back to the pitcher. The game would now be over. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could have easily thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shay would have been out and that would have been the end of the game.Instead, the pitcher threw the ball right over the first baseman's head, out of reach of all team mates. Everyone from the stands and both teams started yelling, 'Shay, run to first! Run to first!' Never in his life had Shay ever run that far, but he made it to first base.He scampered down the baseline, wide-eyed and startled. Everyone yelled, 'Run to second, run to second!' Catching his breath, Shay awkwardly ran towards second, gleaming and struggling to make it to the base.By the time Shay rounded towards second base, the right fielder had the ball. The smallest guy on their team who now had his first chance to be the hero for his team. He could have thrown the ball to the second-baseman for the tag, but he understood the pitcher's intentions so he, too, intentionally threw the ball high and far over the third-baseman's head. Shay ran toward third base deliriously as the runners ahead of him circledthe bases toward home. All were screaming, 'Shay, Shay, Shay, all the Way Shay' Shay reached third base because the opposing shortstop ran to help him by turning him in the direction of third base, and shouted, 'Run to third! Shay, run to third!' As Shay rounded third, the boys from both teams, and the spectators, were on their feet screaming, 'Shay, run home! Run home! 'Shay ran to home, stepped on the plate, and was cheered as the hero who hit the grand slam and won the game for his team.
'That day', said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, 'the boys from both teams helped bring a piece of true love and humanity into this world'.
Shay didn't make it to another summer. He died that winter, having never forgotten being the hero and making me so happy, and coming home and seeing his Mother tearfully embrace her little hero of the day!

Saturday, 15 November 2008

Helping INDIA to see…

As mentioned briefly we had a mega eye camp at Pingalwara and MEGA it was! An orgainsation named Give the Gift of sight has been involved in many missions around the world and this was India’s good fortune to receive their gift. WOW… I was left in awe by the 25 strong team from all around the world, USA, Canada, Germany and Italy they were all dedicated, compassionate and so friendly, they were so loving to all who walked through the doors. They started on the 5th but then we were due to go on the 7th but what I saw in the couple of days before and the 3 days after was complete and utter selfless service. The numbers had doubled even trebled and the system in place and the resources were in full flow and the smiles and hugs were too! Their moto with conviction was sight is not a privilege but a right, how they believed this and gave the poor and needy people of Punjab the gift of sight, their numbers reached over 14,000 what a commendable sewa they all did and people were refused as the grounds were over crowded. Our kids warmed to the team and they also made friends, the team wanted to adopt and gave heartfelt goodies – even I got some candy!!! Personally this gave me the boost I needed, as its been a tough few months as you know and it was so refreshing to see others give and give they did… they were on the go from 8am till 6.30pm and there was no stopping them. A few of the guys didn’t even sit down or only moved from their post when it was lunch time, the driving force of this whole event was a lovely guy Dave and he had much love and reverence for Biji on the 2nd to last evening with us they were honored and he had no words for Biji and what impression she left on his heart. If he didn’t say another word thereafter he eyes and his aura said it all! What a guy and what a team he had, he lead by example with his right hand man Paul who also gave and gave! He provided sunglasses for my little ones and never sat down either… he even had a soft spot for my Gagan... guess she has a special spark that everyone loves!

An ocean of LOVE

So much happening here at the moment its truly amazing, I was in the midst of unconditional sewa soaking up the vibration .The mission Give the Gift of sight a group of 25 doctors from round the world came here to pingalwara to set up an eye camp 5th-17th and gift they did I will discuss this separately (a few lines will not do justice).

What words can describe my experience here at the Special Olympics in Ludhiana… There was an ocean of love, ocean of unconditional laughter and the hugs and kisses were never ending. I was truly in heaven, Yes people may say it but feeling and experiencing it with every cell in your body was a different thing altogether. These children fed my spirit in ways words cannot describe, people here in India give status and respect to those with academic knowledge, money and titles but the TRUE VIP’s was GOD himself ALL 300 WOW what a picture. I went as a guest so to speak and was even going to be treated as one… VIP and all!!!! What a bunch of bull if one is to use such words… There were around 300 kids all with disabilities, I wanted to be part of them, be part of their experience and that’s exactly what I did! I remember in Barcelona Anandmurti Guru Maa giving us a definition of religion:

“just by looking into the ocean you do not feel it, only when you jump into the ocean you feel depth of the water, the moist on your skin only then you can become one with the ocean”

A couple of family friends (brothers) from the UK were here too and joined us in this fantastic event. This was definitely one of my highlights of my sewa here in India, we had 2 days of purity, innocence and unadulterated love. What an impact I’m truly grateful to God for the blessings he bestowed on us to even feel that we were worthy of such service. This is the way forward, this is the only way I know you can enrich your lives and truly evolve and move closer to HIM, this has been experienced to its fullest form trust me! The kids are truly blessed and like I said GOD manifested in their bodies and feeling God in every essence mind, body and soul was truly soul touching for many reasons.

It wasn’t about winning or losing their efforts could clearly be seen, their happiness just getting to the winning line... ok I cheated a bit for my children by shouting and screaming, I noticed that they were loosing as they had no sense of finishing or recognised anyone… so off me went in my dodgy kashmeri look and just gave everything I had… Not forgetting the others kids so we just screamed and shouted at all the children so they too could finish, they too could win, they too are AMAZING…

Got myself a bit of a rep and the kids flocked me as though I cannot find words to describe (as I look into the fields of greenery on the top of our house in the village) ok lets try again… they loved me so much and were asking their teachers to approach me for a hug, that was all I had to give - unconditional, limitless hugs and kisses and this is all they wanted… Love is one thing that can never run out EVER! It’s like a bottomless well that gives water and has no way of stopping itself giving water.

Saturday was cool, the kids were invited to a cultural show and there was music and they danced, being part of the dancing was so much better than watching what was on stage as the kids loved it! What dancers and movers we have among these delightful souls, giving us so much joy and happiness. When it was the last dance I was the only adult on stage first I was just enjoying watching them and then a surge of want…a surge of needing to feel more and be part of them

It was great, then the kids remembered me the following day and did the hugs and kisses come overflowing. One little boy came running to me and touched my feet and gave me the biggest hug what can I say? they kill me with the limitless love, it was overwhelming I don’t feel comfortable when kids touch my feet so to confuse them I return their gesture and they don’t know what to do with themselves. Bless them! Never had an adult touch their feet but why not? Are they not worthy of giving us a blessing?
Of course they are …they are God in human form or human form of God who knows!

Another fond memory was whilst the VIP’s were doing speeches (we were suppose to be listening) one of the kids from the night before started doing some bhangra in the middle of the field where everyone was doing their thing, it was just me and him doing some mad moves and his facial expressions were priceless and he touched my heart. He just danced those moments away as if the movement was meant to be and flow of energy timed perfectly for that moment...just me and him!

Another elderly woman just wanting to dance and kiss me!

On the last day we were taking photos like there was no tomorrow and the workers also requested if they could take a photo...why not… Are they not the children of the divine flame? They were collecting chairs and women old as my mother were calling me “madam” and that I should sit on the chair. Would I not give up my chair for my mother? Would my mother call me ‘madam’ err think not would get a slap… ahhahahahah no seriously I sat at their feet and we clicked away! that’s what its all about… putting a smile on strangers faces and knowing you were part of it. What a blessing.

We were also invited by a loving family to their beautiful home, it was amazing their SARHDA (devotion) could be felt a mile off and they requested many times that we only have tea and it would be their good fortune that the kids came to their house… Those on a spiritual inclination could never deny this offer so how could we…!!! Regardless of the obstacles faced we were welcomed with open arms and hearts only to find Guru Granth Sahib residing in their home and they openly admitted all was his blessings. Mirza their son was one of the volunteers appointed with our group and serve he did I think he got more than he bargained for too… so God bless us all on this journey of realisation.
What deep conversations we had at the railway station…who says you need to be in a particular place to talk about GOD and SPIRITUALITY! I don’t know what God is doing but one thing is for sure he is showing me love at the deepest level and who knows where this will lead.

No longer do I want the rat race of life even though I loved my work back home – now there is a higher calling, a purpose – HIS PURPOSE. Haven’t got a clue where I’ll end up but if the kids are with me he can take me to any corner of the world and just shower his blessings like he has been.

What an experience…

Saturday, 1 November 2008

Rays of Light and Softplay Heaven

After updating the blog I realised there is another 2 months here and so much to do, I’ve been crazily busy and wanted to meet mum at Hazur sahib for the 300th celebrations but was unable to do so due to the sewa. One room in the childrens ward looks amazing, the artist Pall Uncle has been in Pingalwara from birth and his art work are his children and the love for the work can be felt let alone seen a mile off! He left me speechless and mind blown when he finished the water carrier picture, it was half done when we went to the games and he completed it. My eyes and a big fat hug for him must have expressed what I felt for him and his work. I know what this will do for those innocent children, it can be felt as soon as you walk into the room, no longer are the walls white and lifeless, no longer is the ceiling dull and boring and no longer are my children’s lives colourless.

Thank you god so much for making me part of this realisation that if a child cannot see the world bring the world to him/her. From the depth of my soul I thank you for making me part of this long lasting happiness that will hopefully remain for years to come.

The other two projects Rays of Light (sensory Room) and Soft play heaven (soft play room) are still under way. The Indian way of working is much different to ours but I guess one has to adapt and accept. It’s coming along well but we just have to have the patience to believe and allow, remembering the early stages of the project when God tested me to such a degree that I needed to surrender, this still applies to all the aspects of the project and every part of my life now.

God has not relented since I have been here in terms of spiritual growth so with all the other challenges this was another that had to be overcome HAIR LOSS. Yes I’m looking more and more like my brothers DAMN! we all going to like the Kojak family. I’ve been loosing clumps of hair for the past month and yes lost around half of my thick curly hair and those who know me …know how heavy it was! My brother told me to cover my hair due to the loss of moisture and roots gone very weak so when buying some head scarf’s and bandanas it was emotional and realised at that point what my good friend must have gone through. But she needed a wig and was under going chemo at the time, but the heart wrenching part was I had no one to hug me or kiss me better.

The hair loss had got worse and then a friend suggested seeing a head and scalp specialist and whilst there call it coincidence if you may … I don’t know, but there was as medical assistant from Iran who was listening to our conversation and my reasons to why I was here in India he then said the most touching thing I’ve heard in a very very long time:

“In the Torah the Jewish Scriptures there is a Jewish belief that there are
36 angels scattered in this world and look like normal people.
You are one of them without a doubt”

I was gobsmacked this guy didn’t know me from Adam and yet shared something with me so profound.

I’m also ¾ of the way into the book THE NEW EARTH, wow… this has been my helping hand throughout – its realigns a person to what is important, the need to be in the moment to feel, touch, see with such depth that you connect to deeper consciousness that is GOD or Being like he says. You could say bringing this into my daily life has proved a shift in my energies. When I see my children and hug them… it is just me and them no other, their little hands in mine, their tiny little lips on my cheek wow what intense depth that I was not aware earlier.

I remember meditating and one of my babies was on my lap opening my eyes she was looking straight through me she opened my heart and that moment, that moment I knew it was God blessing me. We say flippantly God is everywhere and in everyone but when we are aware and living every moment as though it were our last only then we can realise the true meaning of a beautiful LIFE!
My roomies...Gagan (Right) has spent every night in my room since being here and Daljit the past couple of months far left is the lovely and pleasant Laxmi

We also spent Diwali at home during the day dancing with the kids and then evening at the Golden Temple it was a truly amazing Diwali the best maybe, as I was with my kids and the firework display was out this world which you can see and well I will let the pictures say the rest…