Back with the Kidz

What a feeling to be with the kids especially when they didn’t have a clue I was coming, it was so so touching. My cousins from Canada were down too and they were totally blown away by the kids reaction. I’m staying at the guesthouse this time it felt it was the right thing to do and the girls also have exams. Haven’t really spent much time with them most of my time has been spent with Sona, Mona and Chetan naturally as they too reside here in the guest house. The work has continued and the teachers are so great they are eager to help and develop these children which so vital. To have the right staff is absolutely imperative, so it was a true blessing to see the work being carried out. Biji even has them working extra hours in the sensory rooms for the little ones from the children ward, they love it in there. I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart my dear friend Sandeep and the Philadelphia Gurudwara who sent the tactile tub from the USA. It was so cool to see such toys and that will aide the kids senses too. Its amazing what a piece of foil can do – we’ve sown the seeds and time will tell how they will blossom…Cant wait!

Well my main reason for coming back was to make sure the kids knew I wasn’t another person who was NOT coming back, loving them for set amount of time and never returning back to see them. I know its cleche’ to say I told them ample times I am in their hearts forever but it’s the truth and they needed to know I would be back and I am.

If I’m honest I do feel disappointed that I wasn’t given the chance to go back for good but then God has a plan and its not always according to what we want and think we need. Guess God has a much greater advantage than us mere mortals who are just trying to makes ends meet.

I can only thank him from the depth of my soul for giving me this opportunity in the first place, for allowing me to experience unconditional love to its rawest form that I can cherish for the rest of my life.

Another huge life long lesson and been about (trying to) surrender to his WILL, at times this is very difficult and I’d be lying if I said it was mastered… far from it! The mind creeps in and becomes normal rather than spiritual and then questions everything about life and its direction.

I am trying to use this back home too but it’s a lot more difficult especially being in the environment I am and the people I am working with. The only way forward is I am doing HIS work and if he chooses to put obstacles in front then so be it. Its also made me think about my perspective about life, whilst here it was as though I’d accepted my life and not wish to settle into a married life and giving my whole life to the kids. Taking Chetan away for the few days the realization was I wanted the motherly feeling permanently not just a few months in the year but I still don’t know what the plan is.

That said I remember the kids running as fast as they could when they saw me again, had to tell them all to calm down make a queue and that hugs, kisses and love are never ending and enough to go round. Giving them hair clips gave them so much happiness it was crazy – what seems a little gesture to us means so much to them.

It was crazy Gagan is so obsessed by me, it so funny she has my photos plastered all over her walls in her room, she kept so many little things I gave her, empty chocolate boxes and boots witch hazel bottles, body and hair products MAD, but it means so much to her which maybe I will never be able to appreciate.

My 30th and new Job!

Well after getting my guidance from Baba Ji, I’m both shocked and pleased to say that I am now helping to set up the nursery for the Guru Nanak Nishkam Education Trust (GNNET). It was so refreshing to hear the vision about what Baba Ji’s wish for the Nursery and the Education for our littlens, a care provision with a Universal Sikh ethos. A nursery which instill values and nurtures qualities such as compassion. Duty, Strength, a sense of community and Leadership & Nobility. This nursery will be the first of its kind based upon the Sikh principles.

Baba Ji teaches us:

“It is only through elevating the mind of the individual that it is possible to transform human society itself. The mind is an immensely powerful took with the capacity to be either one’s best friend or indeed one’s worst enemy. The mind is both the nucleus of the Divine power with infinite capability as well as the site of the hidden enemy that can propel one towards greed, cruelty, lies, selfishness, arrogance, hate and condemnation. It is the cultivation and empowerment of the spiritual mind that creates inner peace which, when collectively marshaled, can lead to peace in the family, the community, the nation-state and the entire world. A spiritual mind is conditioned to undertake self-analysis which entails a process of self-regulation and accountability. It does not have to be subjected to policing and external forms of regulation. It seeks an alliance with the Divine that helps champion the cause of sustainable peace.
Unconditional heartfelt prayer, with utter humility, is the greatest tool available to assist the mind. When imbued with godly attributes, a connection between the Creator and the creation is established. This allow us to realise that, in diversity, there is unity”

With such teaching and guidance I feel blessed to be part of such a project…

Although it my birthday on the 24th we celebrated on the 21st and Gurudwara celebration on the 28th as I’m leaving the country to see my babies on the 2nd march. The party was so cool, like me best mate bally said it was different parts of my personality sitting on the table, 25 of my closet friends and family were there and I wanted something intimate! It was so nice as my friend Anne came from London too, we went to the gurudwara too where she advised me to carry with the blog. I didn’t know what to write as I was no longer with the kids… but let’s see what the year has in store.

My beautiful mum shes my strength and courage to be able to what needs to be done, Dad being inspiration mum has supported my decisions even at times raged about them but always come through for me…

Patience and Acceptance

All my previous students and work got allocated to different tutors so work is very slow, but thank god I have the agencies. I’ve only been back 10 days but it feels so long without my kids, it has been so difficult I even got my first letter from Gagan and few days ago, what a little beauty she is – giving the bollywood dialogues about trying to live without me and she cant cope without me… kids LOL!!!!

Her words took me back in the moment of her head on my lap whilst I was reading my books, teaching her to mail, putting oil in her hair - I first got there her hair felt like straw very rough and dry it was so funni I used half a bottle of baby oil and her uniform had a huge oil stain when she got back from school the following day, then she looked me straight in the eyes and said:
“Didi you know for the 1st time in my life I know what its like to have a mother, you have given me so much love I LOVE YOU”

I too know the true meaning of unconditional love and being a mother to many…

It’s been fantastic being surrounded by kids with special needs, in a school with structure – but I remember my own kids more and how different the education system is here. I’ve been thinking about setting up projects and placements in Pingalwara with student and the younger generation from the USA and UK, think the younger lot need to realise how fortunate and blessed they - Nowadays (sound like an old bat) well kids take everything for granted. After everything I witnessed they should thank god for a loving home and loving parents and everything else is a MASSIVE BONUS ..It truly is!

I’m still awaiting for direction on every aspect of my life, its feels that acceptance and patience are the qualities God has me practicing at the moment which is really hard to swallow. Thank god for brothers they been helping me out big time, I’ve noticed when god wishes to teach you a thing or two he will also give you the tools to utilize to help you along the way, so as much as its been tough its also been a time of reflection and an opportunity to accept my current predicament.

I’m turning 30 on the 24th before I left, me and the girls had discussed going to celebrate in Europe somewhere, my good school mate sarb also turned 30 in December, so she wanted to do something too… My heart however is going back to India, my mums making plans to meet with her brother from Canada so YES you’ve guessed I am going to meet my babies… I cant wait and it give me something to hold on to, its gonna be brilliant and the best part if I’m not telling them at all!

I’ve also been in touch with all my friends and Biji, they are my extended family, I cannot believe how people can love and embrace you like they’ve known you all you life.


What beauty ... BEAUTY in its truest form

Human Spirit - my message

Since being back it’s been difficult trying to adapt to the pre India life that I left behind, again it feels like the same people, same life and mundane routine. Missing the kids so so much especially when I got home last week, miss them more than I missed my family when in India. What does that say? How difficult is it to feel your not part of the family you left behind, have no job and no car (brother sold the car) even no home if you look beyond the bricks and water.

I was really emotional 1st week even joined a couple a agencies 2 days later simply to be surrounded by kids, LOVE EM, their energy, that said think I was forcing the will of God to hurry up as nothing is happening for me at the moment. I’m waiting to see Baba Ji and see where my life will go…which direction…which path, but not allowed to know the answers just yet. I’m not a on downer but very alone and subdued… so low and behold just when you need a lift or a message from God my brother sent me a link. I think I don’t need to say anymore…

This guy is amazing, makes us reflect and truly believe that there is a bigger purpose to life. It’s just trying to understand what, when, how and why …

http://www.lifewithoutlimbs.org/

What an inspirational person with a soul immersed in the love for god and Jesus.

This is an amazing video on the power, courage and sheer determination of the Human Spirit. If you ever thought you had difficulty in your life, if you ever felt disadvantaged in some way, take a few moments to watch this. It's sure to be an uplifting inspiration...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MslbhDZoniY

God bless Nick, he is a reality check for every person on this planet.

I gifted his picture to my mummy and brothers… to remind us if he has fall and get up a 100 times why cant we????

What do I say?

Good bye is a word which fills the heart with sadness and ends a chapter of my life at Pingalwara. I cannot afford to think like this as this is most definitely the start of a new journey, the beginning of new relationships and the start of something beautiful ready to blossom.

The kids were very emotional, they hugged and cried with the thought I would never come back. My friend Mandeep from the USA donated some money, it was the last outing of my beautiful six months and did the kids love it, I’d promised these girls and they thought I’d forgotten … how could I have? When they didn’t.

On my last day we gave out chocolates with the money so it wasn’t all tears, thank god for shades!!!

Guess it only hit me when I reached the airport when Navneet gave me an emotional farewell… so much so I was overweight by 30 kilos and they didn’t charge me because I was filled with tears, couldn’t even speak… (great way to not pay)

My life is very much a plain canvas paper to where god wishes to place me. Don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing. But by god does my mind wish to take control and send signals all over the place. Sometimes trying to be still can be challenging when every direction of you life is not in your control.

I have to admit coming back here to the UK it feels so out of sync, everyone seems to be stuck in this rat race of life and this is not what its about, SURELY NOT!

It cannot be after everything I have experienced, miss my kids so dearly its only been a week but I’m ready to head back especially with Biji’s proposal but I need Baba Jis guidance and blessing to see where I need to be placed. Life is hard without my kids, my mum is even finding it hard to deal with it! I feel so disconnected and torn between two worlds.
Who knows where my life is going now, He has written my next chapter, we just don’t know till it happens. Nothing more to say …
I know in my heart of hearts this is not the END

THIS MUCH I DO KNOW…

Love you and Goodbye ...for now!

You could really say I have adopted a new life here, a huge extended family with crazy little kids, the sewadars as mothers and the God sent friends here. Its been so great, I’ve been eating out a lot too so probably put all my weight I lost back on! Having friends from back home, USA and Africa was a true blessing, it was so cool to them my world and life here.

Pooja (expectant mother) and her husband!

I can see myself living between here and the UK and my life here has become more meaningful in terms of what I want from my friends, you need people with positive vibrations who lift you when your down and help you towards the light and not to mention when you need a shoulder to cry on.

Sandeep who provided the light and sound for the sensory rooms - GOD SENT!




My very close mate in india NAV!

Love you guys!

This dear friend is both deaf and mute always at the Darbar Sahib giving out paper bags, I used to take Parshad (holy food) for the kids. Never did a day go by where he did not shower me with his love and hug! WOW...

So blessed to have such friends both here and back home!

I’m sitting at the airport and filled with different emotions, How crazy! When I left England I cried and now when leave here in tears, the girls were really emotional too and a friend came to give them chocolates and sweets and sent me the following text:

“U are da richest gal on da earth, being loved by children who have neva been loved by ne 1 is the biggest earning to me, children who don’t even care 4 parents are crying 4 you”

My biggest blessing is I came to pingalwara as a SISTER and leave as a MOTHER. What more can be said of the relationship I share with my babies?

No one can ever take that away from us – just going to miss them so much.

1st Impressions...

We did some assessments and training in both the soft play and sensory rooms, WOW! What impressions – I think the photos will say more then I can ever express words. Words are meaningless.

This is Jeevanjot - a completely blind child reacting to light truly mind blowing!

Shanti a little angel with learning difficulties, growth problem and speech impediment loving to play freely!

The power of colour and light with a child with Cerebral Palsy

1st Impressions of their new soft play room and man do they love it.... and so do we...