Is this home?

I’m home… who would have thought that coming here after 16years and every year after that I would call this place home! There is something about Amritsar as soon I my feet hit the ground this is the place I know as home! Maybe it’s a connection from previous lives who knows, the kids didn’t have a clue and the only person who knew was Biji and my dearest Uncle Bawa, and they know how to keep a secret. It was so funny we thought we going to film today but the guys got late with other stuff they were working on so fingers crossed tomorrow is the day, its mad how telling everyone what we need and what’s what when I’ve only just arrived. They’re like “she back” ... my top secret was spoilt by one of the lovely girls Ramun she came to the main office for a check up bless her she’s not been in the best of health but she still has the twinkle that has made me fall in love with the kids and Pingalwara. They are so happy and content with what little they have, in fact they have so much more than people outside their walls, at times you what you wonder what would have happened if it wasn’t for Bhagat Ji? Where would these be innocent children have gone? It sends a shiver down my spine to even think!

Not having the good fortune of meeting Bhagat Ji, their life has touched so many people and legacy lives today! Biji also speaks with much love and when reminiscing about the memories she shared you can truly feel the love that Bhagat ji gave to all even when the children speak about Baba Ji, the love and warmth they feel can be a felt a mile off!

I just can’t thank the heavens above enough to have given me the opportunity of coming again and able to make new memories and be part of setting up the different interventions for the children with special needs…can’t wait!

Back with the Kidz

What a feeling to be with the kids especially when they didn’t have a clue I was coming, it was so so touching. My cousins from Canada were down too and they were totally blown away by the kids reaction. I’m staying at the guesthouse this time it felt it was the right thing to do and the girls also have exams. Haven’t really spent much time with them most of my time has been spent with Sona, Mona and Chetan naturally as they too reside here in the guest house. The work has continued and the teachers are so great they are eager to help and develop these children which so vital. To have the right staff is absolutely imperative, so it was a true blessing to see the work being carried out. Biji even has them working extra hours in the sensory rooms for the little ones from the children ward, they love it in there. I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart my dear friend Sandeep and the Philadelphia Gurudwara who sent the tactile tub from the USA. It was so cool to see such toys and that will aide the kids senses too. Its amazing what a piece of foil can do – we’ve sown the seeds and time will tell how they will blossom…Cant wait!

Well my main reason for coming back was to make sure the kids knew I wasn’t another person who was NOT coming back, loving them for set amount of time and never returning back to see them. I know its cleche’ to say I told them ample times I am in their hearts forever but it’s the truth and they needed to know I would be back and I am.

If I’m honest I do feel disappointed that I wasn’t given the chance to go back for good but then God has a plan and its not always according to what we want and think we need. Guess God has a much greater advantage than us mere mortals who are just trying to makes ends meet.

I can only thank him from the depth of my soul for giving me this opportunity in the first place, for allowing me to experience unconditional love to its rawest form that I can cherish for the rest of my life.

Another huge life long lesson and been about (trying to) surrender to his WILL, at times this is very difficult and I’d be lying if I said it was mastered… far from it! The mind creeps in and becomes normal rather than spiritual and then questions everything about life and its direction.

I am trying to use this back home too but it’s a lot more difficult especially being in the environment I am and the people I am working with. The only way forward is I am doing HIS work and if he chooses to put obstacles in front then so be it. Its also made me think about my perspective about life, whilst here it was as though I’d accepted my life and not wish to settle into a married life and giving my whole life to the kids. Taking Chetan away for the few days the realization was I wanted the motherly feeling permanently not just a few months in the year but I still don’t know what the plan is.

That said I remember the kids running as fast as they could when they saw me again, had to tell them all to calm down make a queue and that hugs, kisses and love are never ending and enough to go round. Giving them hair clips gave them so much happiness it was crazy – what seems a little gesture to us means so much to them.

It was crazy Gagan is so obsessed by me, it so funny she has my photos plastered all over her walls in her room, she kept so many little things I gave her, empty chocolate boxes and boots witch hazel bottles, body and hair products MAD, but it means so much to her which maybe I will never be able to appreciate.