Is this home?

I’m home… who would have thought that coming here after 16years and every year after that I would call this place home! There is something about Amritsar as soon I my feet hit the ground this is the place I know as home! Maybe it’s a connection from previous lives who knows, the kids didn’t have a clue and the only person who knew was Biji and my dearest Uncle Bawa, and they know how to keep a secret. It was so funny we thought we going to film today but the guys got late with other stuff they were working on so fingers crossed tomorrow is the day, its mad how telling everyone what we need and what’s what when I’ve only just arrived. They’re like “she back” ... my top secret was spoilt by one of the lovely girls Ramun she came to the main office for a check up bless her she’s not been in the best of health but she still has the twinkle that has made me fall in love with the kids and Pingalwara. They are so happy and content with what little they have, in fact they have so much more than people outside their walls, at times you what you wonder what would have happened if it wasn’t for Bhagat Ji? Where would these be innocent children have gone? It sends a shiver down my spine to even think!

Not having the good fortune of meeting Bhagat Ji, their life has touched so many people and legacy lives today! Biji also speaks with much love and when reminiscing about the memories she shared you can truly feel the love that Bhagat ji gave to all even when the children speak about Baba Ji, the love and warmth they feel can be a felt a mile off!

I just can’t thank the heavens above enough to have given me the opportunity of coming again and able to make new memories and be part of setting up the different interventions for the children with special needs…can’t wait!

New Year New Start

Couldn’t wait to see the back of 2009 what a heart wrenching year and only the forces above knew what I had to endure on this journey. To say there was nothing to write about would be totally dishonest but I had no zest to write about the things I didn’t love. I had many people asking why I stopped blogging … but no one could understand!

Well it’s a new year and new beginnings, it has already started with blessings, with the idea of having a new charity and going through the process of getting it registered. Dad always said if we were going to start something ever, it must have the word HOPE ingrained, in a place of darkness people should know there is hope when knocking on our door… so with HOPE and how we would like to serve COMPASSION is also connected, so HOPE AND COMPASSION is the charities name. We will provide education and provision for children with special educational need in developing countries and educate the parents and professionals.

My friend Amrit from G5 Dzine designed both our logo and website, I can’t thank him enough for all he did and that to as Sewa (selfless service), god bless him and his work in every way!

As I speak I’m ordering equipment for my sponsored trip that in itself is a story! In October my brother’s friend from Temp Labour did a charity event he wanted me to speak about our work and Pingalwara as they were raising funds. So, hesitantly I went as they had no one else to speak about the charity, I’d just come back from the Gurudwara! Once my 10minute speech was done I couldn’t get out of there fast enough…until I was stopped by a lady who wanted to get involved in the work we did.

To my surprise she turned out to be the owner of a company in the area of children with special needs and disabilities with her own personal story she felt compelled to be part of this SEWA. Progress Solutions then sponsored my trip for 3 months and donated £2000 for equipment to take with me. It was amazing to see God in play and to give me something to hold onto.

So everything began to move forwards, it’s crazy as the agencies who gave me no work a few months back I received 3 calls in the 1st week offering me work. I decided to work in a college which allowed me to pay for all my expenses before I left! Talk about MAGIC.

So with the trip I cant wait to see the kids... and the best part is they haven’t got a clue!

Balwinder & Pooja

When I first met Pooja she heard a lot about me from other people and asked whether she could hug me… that’s it from there! There was no going back, she poured her heart out and began to tell me her heart wrenching story, originally from Haryana her husband Balwinder was given acid which as a result blocked his wind pipe and since not been able to eat or drink via his mouth. He has a tube fitted into his stomach and hasn’t had any solid food for the past 6 years, to say they’ve been to hell and back in a under statement. When they left Haryana they came to Darbar Sahib for solace and prayer, and someone mentioned Pingalwara – there they met with Biji who sent them to hospital after hearing his story and examining him she sent him to hospital immediately. He was admitted in hospital for 6 months and after all the tests and check ups, received a 16 hour operation after three days this proved to be unsuccessful. His food pipe and tube for breathing had amalgamated together making it impossible to operate which could result in death.

So when Pooja told us the great news of her pregnancy last year you’d think they’d be overjoyed that a life would bring light and happiness into their dark lives…

But to my horror she had been advised to abort the baby as she would not be able to support or look after as she has a sick husband. When a person is at such a cross road God introduces and cements relationships which we don’t know about at the time. With the right guidance and advice, she kept the baby and it was a beautiful moment to be part of! To know your part of a decision that could have been so detrimental and painful!
To see the baby born into this world… was truly heart warming; this is what I call life! To help another in their time of need! Like dad always said:

“Be the 1st to give your hand when someone needs help”

When I arrived at the hospital there were many women but Pooja’s journey has been that of pain and a lot of heartache and seeing the twinkle in both their eyes was a memory to be cherished for life!

Haveli Jalandhar

Taking the children to Haveli was amazing, we had such a blast! They loved every second of it; the staff were incredible they remembered me from the year before! They were both helpful and understanding, so much so they made additional provisions for us, they put on a couple of shows (puppet & monkey) for us which was out of hours for them.
I would like to think by bringing our children out in the open people are more receptive and welcoming, although it’s a long shot not being stared at or given dirty looks. But I think we are well on the way to showing society at large that our children do exist and we are no longer ashamed or hiding them away, if you have a problem TOUGH!

Being from the UK we have more back bone and confidence to get our own way, with determination and effort we don’t accept defeat so easily and I think this is one of the attributes that has lead to both intimidation and intrigue. People want to know who I am and where I’m from and then ultimately who my children are and where they are from…

That is society - my children…Well they just loved to be out! Have a nice meal and then to top it off have an ice cream at Ansel Mall! To my amazement there was an incident with the teacher where a shopper yelled ‘URGH’ they smell (to my children) without being confrontational I approached this particular woman very well groomed and educated, politely asked her if she had anything to say about my children… DUMBSTRUCK that I approached her she was silenced! She will I’m sure think twice before she utters such words about anyone’s child.

It is such a shame how some educated people frown and look down upon those who are less fortunate than themselves…They forget the one thing that I was taught:

IN THE END…WE ALL BECOME THE SAME…ASHES!

No matter if you’re a High profile business person or a maid.

I’ve also known those with little are the most happiest so the question arises:

Who really has the pot of gold?

Back with the Kidz

What a feeling to be with the kids especially when they didn’t have a clue I was coming, it was so so touching. My cousins from Canada were down too and they were totally blown away by the kids reaction. I’m staying at the guesthouse this time it felt it was the right thing to do and the girls also have exams. Haven’t really spent much time with them most of my time has been spent with Sona, Mona and Chetan naturally as they too reside here in the guest house. The work has continued and the teachers are so great they are eager to help and develop these children which so vital. To have the right staff is absolutely imperative, so it was a true blessing to see the work being carried out. Biji even has them working extra hours in the sensory rooms for the little ones from the children ward, they love it in there. I would like to thank from the bottom of my heart my dear friend Sandeep and the Philadelphia Gurudwara who sent the tactile tub from the USA. It was so cool to see such toys and that will aide the kids senses too. Its amazing what a piece of foil can do – we’ve sown the seeds and time will tell how they will blossom…Cant wait!

Well my main reason for coming back was to make sure the kids knew I wasn’t another person who was NOT coming back, loving them for set amount of time and never returning back to see them. I know its cleche’ to say I told them ample times I am in their hearts forever but it’s the truth and they needed to know I would be back and I am.

If I’m honest I do feel disappointed that I wasn’t given the chance to go back for good but then God has a plan and its not always according to what we want and think we need. Guess God has a much greater advantage than us mere mortals who are just trying to makes ends meet.

I can only thank him from the depth of my soul for giving me this opportunity in the first place, for allowing me to experience unconditional love to its rawest form that I can cherish for the rest of my life.

Another huge life long lesson and been about (trying to) surrender to his WILL, at times this is very difficult and I’d be lying if I said it was mastered… far from it! The mind creeps in and becomes normal rather than spiritual and then questions everything about life and its direction.

I am trying to use this back home too but it’s a lot more difficult especially being in the environment I am and the people I am working with. The only way forward is I am doing HIS work and if he chooses to put obstacles in front then so be it. Its also made me think about my perspective about life, whilst here it was as though I’d accepted my life and not wish to settle into a married life and giving my whole life to the kids. Taking Chetan away for the few days the realization was I wanted the motherly feeling permanently not just a few months in the year but I still don’t know what the plan is.

That said I remember the kids running as fast as they could when they saw me again, had to tell them all to calm down make a queue and that hugs, kisses and love are never ending and enough to go round. Giving them hair clips gave them so much happiness it was crazy – what seems a little gesture to us means so much to them.

It was crazy Gagan is so obsessed by me, it so funny she has my photos plastered all over her walls in her room, she kept so many little things I gave her, empty chocolate boxes and boots witch hazel bottles, body and hair products MAD, but it means so much to her which maybe I will never be able to appreciate.