Is this home?

I’m home… who would have thought that coming here after 16years and every year after that I would call this place home! There is something about Amritsar as soon I my feet hit the ground this is the place I know as home! Maybe it’s a connection from previous lives who knows, the kids didn’t have a clue and the only person who knew was Biji and my dearest Uncle Bawa, and they know how to keep a secret. It was so funny we thought we going to film today but the guys got late with other stuff they were working on so fingers crossed tomorrow is the day, its mad how telling everyone what we need and what’s what when I’ve only just arrived. They’re like “she back” ... my top secret was spoilt by one of the lovely girls Ramun she came to the main office for a check up bless her she’s not been in the best of health but she still has the twinkle that has made me fall in love with the kids and Pingalwara. They are so happy and content with what little they have, in fact they have so much more than people outside their walls, at times you what you wonder what would have happened if it wasn’t for Bhagat Ji? Where would these be innocent children have gone? It sends a shiver down my spine to even think!

Not having the good fortune of meeting Bhagat Ji, their life has touched so many people and legacy lives today! Biji also speaks with much love and when reminiscing about the memories she shared you can truly feel the love that Bhagat ji gave to all even when the children speak about Baba Ji, the love and warmth they feel can be a felt a mile off!

I just can’t thank the heavens above enough to have given me the opportunity of coming again and able to make new memories and be part of setting up the different interventions for the children with special needs…can’t wait!

Count down is well on the way

Things have been so manic getting prepared for India, the kids haven’t got a clue – I was due to leave the 20th February and now desperately trying to get my seat earlier. We have been lucky enough for Shaadi videography and East West photography to have been commissioned to work with us. They will be in India early February to produce some footage for us to use throughout our media outlets.

That said my heart is so excited to meet the kids once again, it feels it’s been so so long!

It’s also been a rollercoaster ride already, I been so busy working at this college the kids are amazing, they may have a learning difficulty but so so talented and intelligent. It really is a shame that we underestimate the true potential that these kids have. Oh well, our loss I guess that we couldn’t see gifted when we had the chance!

Mum is coming too so that’ll be nice shes attending her sisters daughters wedding, lucky me, will have to hear it again:

“shes so much younger than you”
“you not getting married”
“why you still not married”

I’ll never know why we have to conform into the compartments society sets and if we fall out of those, we are doomed! DOOMED I AM. Its like no matter where I go its like… Hi how are you? You married? Guess I will never be able to fathom it out!

Preparations are well on the way and there is much to get done with charity, the team are amazing and we couldn’t have diverse range of skills coming to the table so it’s going to be a great learning curve for us all and a lot to learn on the way.

New Year New Start

Couldn’t wait to see the back of 2009 what a heart wrenching year and only the forces above knew what I had to endure on this journey. To say there was nothing to write about would be totally dishonest but I had no zest to write about the things I didn’t love. I had many people asking why I stopped blogging … but no one could understand!

Well it’s a new year and new beginnings, it has already started with blessings, with the idea of having a new charity and going through the process of getting it registered. Dad always said if we were going to start something ever, it must have the word HOPE ingrained, in a place of darkness people should know there is hope when knocking on our door… so with HOPE and how we would like to serve COMPASSION is also connected, so HOPE AND COMPASSION is the charities name. We will provide education and provision for children with special educational need in developing countries and educate the parents and professionals.

My friend Amrit from G5 Dzine designed both our logo and website, I can’t thank him enough for all he did and that to as Sewa (selfless service), god bless him and his work in every way!

As I speak I’m ordering equipment for my sponsored trip that in itself is a story! In October my brother’s friend from Temp Labour did a charity event he wanted me to speak about our work and Pingalwara as they were raising funds. So, hesitantly I went as they had no one else to speak about the charity, I’d just come back from the Gurudwara! Once my 10minute speech was done I couldn’t get out of there fast enough…until I was stopped by a lady who wanted to get involved in the work we did.

To my surprise she turned out to be the owner of a company in the area of children with special needs and disabilities with her own personal story she felt compelled to be part of this SEWA. Progress Solutions then sponsored my trip for 3 months and donated £2000 for equipment to take with me. It was amazing to see God in play and to give me something to hold onto.

So everything began to move forwards, it’s crazy as the agencies who gave me no work a few months back I received 3 calls in the 1st week offering me work. I decided to work in a college which allowed me to pay for all my expenses before I left! Talk about MAGIC.

So with the trip I cant wait to see the kids... and the best part is they haven’t got a clue!

Life turned Upside Down!

I’ve been missing the kids heaps, but the nursery set up is keeping me busy and testing my faith more than I can express. As with the lessons of Pingawlara to let go is the most important thing, Well even more so as I have no control of my life - its bizarre the life I left is no longer mine, my brother sold the BMW I was driving before India, my beautiful Tigra of 10 years also wasn’t well (didn’t have a car for 6 weeks) thank god for friends and brothers, I’m not earning a decent salary (just supply work as and when) so finances are scarce and top it all off I have the pressure of getting married. I’m even getting comments like:

“You’re a lot worse of”
“You’ve gone 10 steps backwards”
“You’ve lost everything you worked for”
“Your going to be 30 what do you have to show for it?”

How can one explain in words that there are no regrets on my side leaving and going to India, I will not allow anyone else to make me feel as though I made a mistake… because it wasn’t, what the kids gave to me was priceless and if the same decision to pack my bags and leave was to be made I would do it not once but a million times over.

You can’t put a price on unconditional love, hugs or kisses…to be loved for possession of nothing is truly remarkable…. To be loved for being there, just being there!

How does one explain my souls cry?

Ever since I’ve been back life has been so difficult God has turned my life upside down and there is no light, in fact I don’t really know what to write about! The nursery is under way I’m also doing a course but it’s not what I want to do… to say I’m unhappy is an under statement. To have material things taken away one can accept Gods will but to have the children taken away from you, where your life is to work with them - That hurts more than anything else, I’m not asking for riches or for materialistic value! All I want is to be with special needs children and surrounded by those who have nothing and no one else wants to touch… is this so wrong?

Is it so wrong to want for another?
So wrong to not want to be married, have a car, a house and a boring 9-5 job at this moment in time!

I’m being judged for what I haven’t got... but only GOD and my dad knows what I truly possess and that’s not even worth sharing for those who judge me without hesitation.

There is nothing for me to write about anymore…

To us shopping is no longer a luxury, we have money and we can purchase what we want when we want! Our lives are no longer dependent on working for our cash with credit cards and other credit facilities.

We purchase without a moments hesitation. From the days of having a platinum card and dining with friends every other day the swiping of cards became 2nd nature without realising the true meaning of money and shopping. Since I been back from India its about what I need rather than want, personally I feel we no longer appreciate what we have, gone are the days when families sat together and played board games as they had no TV’s so spending time with one another, talking about each others lives spread a lot more happiness and love. I guess when you go to the remote villages they still have the homely ambience, the family feel and most important the principles, morals and values of loyalty, honesty, trust, togetherness and most importantly LOVE! Here in this country and in the more developed areas of India brothers have become enemies, family are torn, parents abandoned and people just want more and more. Why? When the whole essence of life is share with another who is less fortunate even if its without your own home. Its crazy seeing values brushed under the carpet and the drive & passion is all about money, status and materialistic items.

If you want to know the real meaning of shopping take our children. The spark in their eyes just choosing an outfit, or a hair band or any other little things is out of this world. Taking Ram and Jyoti was such a blast as they knew what they wanted…

I pray to God those who have much may your share to really reap the rewards of your wealth as you don’t take it with YOU!

30th in India

Looking back at the photos I remember celebrating my 30th with the kids, it was so much fun! In fact I was so blessed that my mum was there too, apart from my friends back home all those who loved me dearly were there, my children, Biji and my family from home! My Nanny Ma is so cool, she too came to join in the fun, the kids decorated the hall, balloons and ribbons everywhere and dance we did!

Sharing such moments are pictures for life, instilled in your heart which no one can ever take away. Having memories such as these, children running to you to see you, to be missed when your not there is so warming to the heart! For those wanting meaning in their lives and a break from the vicious cycle of what we call LIFE, SIMPLE! touch someone’s heart. If it’s building a bridge with a sibling the so be it, smiling to a cashier at the supermarket or telling your mum and dad you love them without reason!

Anything that you do for someone else selflessly can really touch another’s heart and TRUST ME when I say no one can ever take away the amazing feel and the residue left for many years!

After celebrating my birthday my cousins from Canada fancied Dominos pizza so off we went, it was such a laugh! There were some games which we all played… trying to beat your cousins on a bike with a suit on was a mission but it was great fun!

One thing I’ve realized is … you can live your life to maximum, have good things and work hard along with being content and doing what you loved most!

Balwinder & Pooja

When I first met Pooja she heard a lot about me from other people and asked whether she could hug me… that’s it from there! There was no going back, she poured her heart out and began to tell me her heart wrenching story, originally from Haryana her husband Balwinder was given acid which as a result blocked his wind pipe and since not been able to eat or drink via his mouth. He has a tube fitted into his stomach and hasn’t had any solid food for the past 6 years, to say they’ve been to hell and back in a under statement. When they left Haryana they came to Darbar Sahib for solace and prayer, and someone mentioned Pingalwara – there they met with Biji who sent them to hospital after hearing his story and examining him she sent him to hospital immediately. He was admitted in hospital for 6 months and after all the tests and check ups, received a 16 hour operation after three days this proved to be unsuccessful. His food pipe and tube for breathing had amalgamated together making it impossible to operate which could result in death.

So when Pooja told us the great news of her pregnancy last year you’d think they’d be overjoyed that a life would bring light and happiness into their dark lives…

But to my horror she had been advised to abort the baby as she would not be able to support or look after as she has a sick husband. When a person is at such a cross road God introduces and cements relationships which we don’t know about at the time. With the right guidance and advice, she kept the baby and it was a beautiful moment to be part of! To know your part of a decision that could have been so detrimental and painful!
To see the baby born into this world… was truly heart warming; this is what I call life! To help another in their time of need! Like dad always said:

“Be the 1st to give your hand when someone needs help”

When I arrived at the hospital there were many women but Pooja’s journey has been that of pain and a lot of heartache and seeing the twinkle in both their eyes was a memory to be cherished for life!