Life turned Upside Down!

I’ve been missing the kids heaps, but the nursery set up is keeping me busy and testing my faith more than I can express. As with the lessons of Pingawlara to let go is the most important thing, Well even more so as I have no control of my life - its bizarre the life I left is no longer mine, my brother sold the BMW I was driving before India, my beautiful Tigra of 10 years also wasn’t well (didn’t have a car for 6 weeks) thank god for friends and brothers, I’m not earning a decent salary (just supply work as and when) so finances are scarce and top it all off I have the pressure of getting married. I’m even getting comments like:

“You’re a lot worse of”
“You’ve gone 10 steps backwards”
“You’ve lost everything you worked for”
“Your going to be 30 what do you have to show for it?”

How can one explain in words that there are no regrets on my side leaving and going to India, I will not allow anyone else to make me feel as though I made a mistake… because it wasn’t, what the kids gave to me was priceless and if the same decision to pack my bags and leave was to be made I would do it not once but a million times over.

You can’t put a price on unconditional love, hugs or kisses…to be loved for possession of nothing is truly remarkable…. To be loved for being there, just being there!

How does one explain my souls cry?

Ever since I’ve been back life has been so difficult God has turned my life upside down and there is no light, in fact I don’t really know what to write about! The nursery is under way I’m also doing a course but it’s not what I want to do… to say I’m unhappy is an under statement. To have material things taken away one can accept Gods will but to have the children taken away from you, where your life is to work with them - That hurts more than anything else, I’m not asking for riches or for materialistic value! All I want is to be with special needs children and surrounded by those who have nothing and no one else wants to touch… is this so wrong?

Is it so wrong to want for another?
So wrong to not want to be married, have a car, a house and a boring 9-5 job at this moment in time!

I’m being judged for what I haven’t got... but only GOD and my dad knows what I truly possess and that’s not even worth sharing for those who judge me without hesitation.

There is nothing for me to write about anymore…

To us shopping is no longer a luxury, we have money and we can purchase what we want when we want! Our lives are no longer dependent on working for our cash with credit cards and other credit facilities.

We purchase without a moments hesitation. From the days of having a platinum card and dining with friends every other day the swiping of cards became 2nd nature without realising the true meaning of money and shopping. Since I been back from India its about what I need rather than want, personally I feel we no longer appreciate what we have, gone are the days when families sat together and played board games as they had no TV’s so spending time with one another, talking about each others lives spread a lot more happiness and love. I guess when you go to the remote villages they still have the homely ambience, the family feel and most important the principles, morals and values of loyalty, honesty, trust, togetherness and most importantly LOVE! Here in this country and in the more developed areas of India brothers have become enemies, family are torn, parents abandoned and people just want more and more. Why? When the whole essence of life is share with another who is less fortunate even if its without your own home. Its crazy seeing values brushed under the carpet and the drive & passion is all about money, status and materialistic items.

If you want to know the real meaning of shopping take our children. The spark in their eyes just choosing an outfit, or a hair band or any other little things is out of this world. Taking Ram and Jyoti was such a blast as they knew what they wanted…

I pray to God those who have much may your share to really reap the rewards of your wealth as you don’t take it with YOU!

30th in India

Looking back at the photos I remember celebrating my 30th with the kids, it was so much fun! In fact I was so blessed that my mum was there too, apart from my friends back home all those who loved me dearly were there, my children, Biji and my family from home! My Nanny Ma is so cool, she too came to join in the fun, the kids decorated the hall, balloons and ribbons everywhere and dance we did!

Sharing such moments are pictures for life, instilled in your heart which no one can ever take away. Having memories such as these, children running to you to see you, to be missed when your not there is so warming to the heart! For those wanting meaning in their lives and a break from the vicious cycle of what we call LIFE, SIMPLE! touch someone’s heart. If it’s building a bridge with a sibling the so be it, smiling to a cashier at the supermarket or telling your mum and dad you love them without reason!

Anything that you do for someone else selflessly can really touch another’s heart and TRUST ME when I say no one can ever take away the amazing feel and the residue left for many years!

After celebrating my birthday my cousins from Canada fancied Dominos pizza so off we went, it was such a laugh! There were some games which we all played… trying to beat your cousins on a bike with a suit on was a mission but it was great fun!

One thing I’ve realized is … you can live your life to maximum, have good things and work hard along with being content and doing what you loved most!

Balwinder & Pooja

When I first met Pooja she heard a lot about me from other people and asked whether she could hug me… that’s it from there! There was no going back, she poured her heart out and began to tell me her heart wrenching story, originally from Haryana her husband Balwinder was given acid which as a result blocked his wind pipe and since not been able to eat or drink via his mouth. He has a tube fitted into his stomach and hasn’t had any solid food for the past 6 years, to say they’ve been to hell and back in a under statement. When they left Haryana they came to Darbar Sahib for solace and prayer, and someone mentioned Pingalwara – there they met with Biji who sent them to hospital after hearing his story and examining him she sent him to hospital immediately. He was admitted in hospital for 6 months and after all the tests and check ups, received a 16 hour operation after three days this proved to be unsuccessful. His food pipe and tube for breathing had amalgamated together making it impossible to operate which could result in death.

So when Pooja told us the great news of her pregnancy last year you’d think they’d be overjoyed that a life would bring light and happiness into their dark lives…

But to my horror she had been advised to abort the baby as she would not be able to support or look after as she has a sick husband. When a person is at such a cross road God introduces and cements relationships which we don’t know about at the time. With the right guidance and advice, she kept the baby and it was a beautiful moment to be part of! To know your part of a decision that could have been so detrimental and painful!
To see the baby born into this world… was truly heart warming; this is what I call life! To help another in their time of need! Like dad always said:

“Be the 1st to give your hand when someone needs help”

When I arrived at the hospital there were many women but Pooja’s journey has been that of pain and a lot of heartache and seeing the twinkle in both their eyes was a memory to be cherished for life!

Who is Paul Parji?

Well… let me tell you, he is the most gentle, warming and compassionate man you can ever come across. He gave me strength when I was weak, picked me up when I was down and yet says I was the one who gave him reason to live. When they say you attract only what you put out, Parji (brother) is most definitely a person I would want to attract lifetime after lifetime, he has served with Bhagat Ji for many years and is still a loyal worker at Pingalwara. He is has many roles but for me he was god sent for our children, he did all the painting and art work without any hesitation, the kids also love him and they run to him shouting PAUL PARJI, PAUL PARJI!

People were shocked to why he did all the work as when they wanted to get things done from him it was impossible…well my first encounter with him was at Baba Ji’s barsi in August 2008, I was being interviewed by an journalist and when mentioning my upbringing and dads love & guidance Parji was melted. With tears in his eyes he didn’t need to say anything else, I knew our relationship was to be for life and my place is in his heart had been cemented.

Time and time again I see pain in his eyes and he has many stories and heart wrenching situations to tell but he loves the children and keeps himself to himself. Many a time I told him to get a phone as I wanted to talk and touch base his response:

“Does God have a mobile phone?”

That melted me, and when I was in the UK he dreamt about me telling him off for not finishing the painting…so I guess we can still communicate without phones, computers and modern technologies – we at times forget there is a high consciousnesses above all else, which delivers messages from many different planes.

Haveli Jalandhar

Taking the children to Haveli was amazing, we had such a blast! They loved every second of it; the staff were incredible they remembered me from the year before! They were both helpful and understanding, so much so they made additional provisions for us, they put on a couple of shows (puppet & monkey) for us which was out of hours for them.
I would like to think by bringing our children out in the open people are more receptive and welcoming, although it’s a long shot not being stared at or given dirty looks. But I think we are well on the way to showing society at large that our children do exist and we are no longer ashamed or hiding them away, if you have a problem TOUGH!

Being from the UK we have more back bone and confidence to get our own way, with determination and effort we don’t accept defeat so easily and I think this is one of the attributes that has lead to both intimidation and intrigue. People want to know who I am and where I’m from and then ultimately who my children are and where they are from…

That is society - my children…Well they just loved to be out! Have a nice meal and then to top it off have an ice cream at Ansel Mall! To my amazement there was an incident with the teacher where a shopper yelled ‘URGH’ they smell (to my children) without being confrontational I approached this particular woman very well groomed and educated, politely asked her if she had anything to say about my children… DUMBSTRUCK that I approached her she was silenced! She will I’m sure think twice before she utters such words about anyone’s child.

It is such a shame how some educated people frown and look down upon those who are less fortunate than themselves…They forget the one thing that I was taught:

IN THE END…WE ALL BECOME THE SAME…ASHES!

No matter if you’re a High profile business person or a maid.

I’ve also known those with little are the most happiest so the question arises:

Who really has the pot of gold?

Holi - Festival of Colours

It was my first ever Holi, the festival of colour. I was under the impression that the kids played with lots of colour every year this however wasn’t the case! They were given some colour and played within their individual hostels! Well that was about to change, we ordered bags of colour, water pistols, water balloons and not to forget the big tubs! It was crazy and so fun to be part of!

The best of it was the kids expressions, smiles, laughter – Is was beautiful and to top it all off it was so heart warming t o see the special needs kids playing with everyone else, this again for the 1st time coming together without hesitation! It feels so good to be part of breaking the divide between the kids from the hostel and my special needs. Its not at all their fault but their environment and the staff that are employed from outside Pingalwara, they need to be de-sensitised to the fact that our children with special needs too do what all the other children do, from playing with colour, to dancing, from singing to playing games.

I remember the time when Gopi from the special needs school was going to give Gagan a hug, Gagan moved so fast and her face pale, when asked why she reacted in such a manner her response: “I was scared?”

But scared of what? This is what results are achieved when children are not exposed and educated.

My reply : She's smiling and so are you...so there is NOTHING AT ALL to be afraid of!